AS annoying as it seems to be to everyone, when communicating electronically, I like to attach a topical cartoon image to the end of my messages.
I mean, what’s their problem? Surely there’s nothing better than receiving a text from a friend, followed by a picture of a wee, happy jobbie?
A fact confirmed in the latest Doctor Who, Episode 2: Smile, (Sunday, 7.20pm) storyline, which predicted that the language of the future would be Emoji.
I was one happy bunny. 🐰🐰
In fact, I think the writers might like me, because another of their visions of the future was also right up my rue.
I give you – the Scottish joke:
Bill: Why are you Scottish?
The Doctor: I’m not Scottish, I’m just cross.
Bill: Is there Scotland in space?
The Doctor: They’re all over the place. Demanding independence from every planet that they land on.
Funny, very funny. 😂😂
The one about the skeleton crew, not so much. 💀💀
Plus, in one scene, Peter Capaldi, all bulgy eyed and puffy haired, looked so like Tom Baker (my favourite old-school doctor), I thought it was a special effect.
Anyway, in this daftly-entertaining episode, the future is basically white, with homeless earthlings attempting to colonise a new planet where you get blue jelly for your dinner and you must always look happy or buildings, made from micro-bots called Vardy, get creepy Emojibots to turn you into powdered bone. Which happens to be their go-to mulch for space veg.
What on earth would John and Gregg (note: double gg, like the peoples’ pie shop) off of Masterchef (BBC1, er, all the time) make of a foamy smear of purple-sprouting broccoli that was grown in human talc?
Apparently, the pair don’t get on in real life, which would explain why, that when they’re talking so earnestly about who to kick off the show next, they are never seen together.
Oh, yes, they may be filmed on the same set, but the close-up shots are always individual, with first a shot of Gregg, looking like an angry boiled egg and going: “What was she thinking, serving up a pig’s cheek alongside a fanned strawberry?!”, followed by John, nodding in agreement, lips turned down like a sad carp.
I reckon they film them saying one line at a time separately, then edit the shots so they look like they are together, in order to prevent them hitting each other across the face with a wet sea bass. 🐟 🐟